We need some creative solutions to our problems, so long as those solutions are the right kind of creative solutions. You know which solutions I mean, the ones we already know about but we just need to try again and do it better this time. Yeah, we need creative solutions, like the ones we already have but different. They should be creative, but not too, you know, not too far out. They should be creative, but we already know a lot about things in this world and any creative solutions should stick to those truths.
After all, we already learned all we need to know in kindergarten and we’re now free from any dreary study. Those guys on TV news shows tell us all we need to know and it all makes sense if we just remember that stuff we learned in kindergarten.
History is working to advance the American cause which Washington and Lincoln and that guy at Walden Pond wrote about in the Declaration of Independence when they created the United States and warned the other countries in the world to behave and live up to American ideals or we’ll put them in their place before they harm us or our way of life or take away our freedoms they hate so much. But they aren’t really bad. If they really want to try hard, those guys in the deserts of Afghanistan could have good lives just like Americans in the nice new developments around Atlanta. Those guys could give up their robes and the funny stuff they wear on their heads and then they’d be ready to have freedoms and nice houses with central air-conditioning and cable-television hook-ups. They could even start little leagues for their kids and someday some of their sons, or their daughters, could have a chance to play in the American big leagues.
We have problems and those poor people in Iraq and Afghanistan and Libya have even more problems. We only have to turn on the television to see what a mess Gaddafi made of Libya. Their cities are in ruins and a lot of their roads and other infrastructure look like something out of a war-zone. Don’t they have back-hoes and excavators and Departments of Public Works over there? And there are stories about Libyans having trouble getting food and electricity and stuff. They need all that stuff if they’re going to straighten up and live good lives with freedoms and nice houses with central air-conditioning and cable-television hook-ups and even more stuff than that. We’ll help them pull themselves up by their bootstraps. First we have to teach them how to wear boots. Then we can teach them all the other stuff we learned in kindergarten and they can start taking better care of their sewage systems and roads and bridges.
Yeah, we have problems and we need some creative thought and some creative action but it’s not so hard to figure it all out if only we remember what we learned in kindergarten. And we have to teach all that good stuff to all the people in the world who don’t know how to live good lives and behave like decent folk.
Isn’t it too bad about those Red Sox falling apart in September? Thought they might pull it off this year and a good exciting World Series would have really helped those Iraqis and Afghans and Libyans to pull together and settle down and then we could have taught them everything we learned in kindergarten. We have lots of politicians and generals who seem to know they can do a lot of good things in the world with what they learned in kindergarten. Only they got powerful stuff like those bunker-buster bombs and those drone bombers and all the other stuff we got for enforcing peace and order on those evil people who are trying to take away our freedoms and our way of life.
It’s kind of upsetting to read about scientists who don’t think like real Americans. This article, Why We Crave Creativity but Reject Creative Ideas, makes me and other Americans really uncomfortable. Well, a good night’s sleep and I’ll forget it and just remember that good stuff I learned in kindergarten.
Oh yeah. I never went to kindergarten. And I was taught how to read when I was three by my Great-aunt Minnie. And I learned how to appreciate good books from relatives like my Great-aunt Mary, feisty feminist and radical labor-union leader that she was. She had only a sixth-grade education — in Scotland — but devoured serious historical works and demanding works of literature. And when I went to school at the late age of six, I slept more often than I listened to the blah-blah of teachers and that’s maybe why I had such bad work-habits when I went to a real college with relatively demanding standards.
I wonder what it is that all my fellow-Americans learn in that year of kindergarten. It must be some pretty good stuff.